wow

Wow, what a week this has been, so far. Challenging in every aspect of the term. Confronted with and reminded of my own and other people’s innermost nowheres. Those crevices in a personality only held together with band aid, vast quantities of coffee and/or alcohol depending on how one is inclined, quiet desperation, nicotine and a thin layer of profane daily routines or what others call normality. And often enough it looks like it could burst any time, exposing the scary black hole within and that razor-sharp edge over which one is so hesitant to proceed for fear of what might happen next. But on the other hand: I have met a kindred soul, found poetry and maybe gained a friend. Also, I have been offered a promotion at work (still considering the terms). On top a plaudit in writing was sent to all and sundry by an outside source. Then, as if that wasn’t enough already, a change in matters of the heart and it’s definition to family and third parties was, very quietly, revealed to me. Something I was prepared to kill for but a couple of months ago. And now I sit here quite dumbstruck and almost sad. Because of all the excitement of late I feel, I can’t really give this news it’s due attention right now and where the fuck is the rush of joy? On the plus, though: one friend invited me to a Fleetwood Mac concert in October and another announced his visit to Berlin for September 14th. And his visits regularely turn into a great night out involving good food, catching up on each others lifes and lots of dancing. Oh, and did I mention that I am an official cat sitter for the upcoming fortnight? Another challenge, since I have not been entrusted with the well being of an animal since I left the rural shores of my hometown aeons ago. Plus, I am not exactly what one calls a cat enthusiast. Shall be interesting to see which one of us outwits the other first.

Tom Waits, Johnsburg, Illinois