bent or broke

Something happened at work that goes way beyond anything I ever had to deal with. The outward criteria are not all that spectacular. A decision has been made above my head, that I don’t like for various reasons. First of all I don’t like the idea in the first place, second I believe the person employed for it to be a.) not capable of the task at hand and b.) a very poor charakter whom I consider a traitor to whatever my business stands for in the first place. Third, I think for pure image gain an important and breadwinning segment in our work will be neglected. Fourth, and maybe worst is the way our organisation deals with staff that have been working in that particular field and have done so very well. What happened within me yesterday is desastrous. It was the second time in my eleven or so years in that organisation, that I was, after putting up a huge fight, reduced to tears. Now it is up to me to either bend or break. I got 48 hrs to consider my next steps. Good question, horrendous consequences. The title of this entry is befitting the situation perfectly. Will I be bent or broke rather soon? Up untill yesterday I firmly believed, hard work and the right attitude should be enough. And I likened myself to good quality steel: flexible but not breakable. Now I feel pushed against the wall. Am I just a sore loser or am I to follow my innermost believes in what is right and wrong? Is my ego in the way? Or is it just that I am about to lose that phantastic believe that what I work for is something, that stands for values I honour so much that I derive my everyday motivation from it. No idea where that is going to take me to. First time I don’t trust myself.

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