omen

I am not superstitious at all. However, during the last few weeks, I have this feeling, as if something portentous is lingering somewhere, to just erupt on me in the near future. Something, I guess, to do with work.

This season definitely is different, starting out with lots of staff trouble like illnesses and other worries. At the same time, many appointments for events don’t go as planned – dates have to be shifted and swopped, due to various reasons. I feel, as if all the planning time invested end of last years was just a waste of time. And there are parts of teams within the organisation, that are fighting each other – which is also not going to end well. Rather than wasting their time with nitty-gritty, all parties – including those not involved at all – would be much better off to invest the same amount of energy to get on with their jobs, making the whole enterprise work.

I keep waking up at night in a state of panic. With that sickening thought, that one gets, when forgetting something important (like putting down a reservation for 120 folks, who all turn up at a set time, claiming their rights and you can’t deliver). After searching my mind, I can’t find a real reason for this and calm myself down. But the low gut feeling kind of just lingers on into my working days. It is very energy consuming to try to appear upbeat in front of staff and customers, if one feels so alarmed all the time.

I think (or hope), lots of this is just an effect of stopping to smoke. With my hormones – or whatever else is changing in my body right now – running riot. At least I keep telling this to myself. And hope for the best.