Changes. This word always calls to mind the famous (and much loved) David Bowie song. But it is actually frightening, to notice some of the changes, oneself goes through.
Happened to me this morning. You wake up, and do, what you think you have done all your life in exactly the same way. Make coffee, get the day started. But no, you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t anymore. Instead, I filled a cup with cold herbal tea from my big tea pot. Thats what I drink most mornings. Since quite a while, actually. Only on days off work – like today – I even start to think about coffee. And it is decaf coffee, I have on my shelf. Can you imagine? Wrong coffee, coffee without any coffee-purpose left in it? Which is to wake you up and make you alert to the world.
Sweetheart drinks decaf coffee. Why, beats me. But somehow, I started to join in. As coffee is not a daily necessity anymore, ever since I stopped smoking a few years ago, I just took some of his beverage, whenever it was there. So, today, after realising, that I want coffee rather than cold tea, I found myself brewing decaf coffee. FOR MYSELF. TO DRINK. That was odd. I might have done it before without even noticing. But today, I did notice. I was so disgusted with myself, that I poured the decaf brew into the sink and made real coffee. Which I have now, as I write this with a sense of having balanced my sense of self with reality again. At least for the time being.
Over the years, one forms an inward image of oneself, the persona, one thinks to be. But this morning, I noticed, I am not all I think to be. I prefer not to follow that train of thought further. Otherwise, what else would I come to notice about myself on this fine morning? As my heartbeat is already up after my second cup of “real” coffee, I will rather dig through my garden in Flash-stile speed today.