Changes. This word always calls to mind the famous (and much loved) David Bowie song. But it is actually frightening, to notice some of the changes, oneself goes through.
Happened to me this morning. You wake up, and do, what you think you have done all your life in exactly the same way. Make coffee, get the day started. But no, you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t anymore. Instead, I filled a cup with cold herbal tea from my big tea pot. Thats what I drink most mornings. Since quite a while, actually. Only on days off work – like today – I even start to think about coffee. And it is decaf coffee, I have on my shelf. Can you imagine? Wrong coffee, coffee without any coffee-purpose left in it? Which is to wake you up and make you alert to the world.
Sweetheart drinks decaf coffee. Why, beats me. But somehow, I started to join in. As coffee is not a daily necessity anymore, ever since I stopped smoking a few years ago, I just took some of his beverage, whenever it was there. So, today, after realising, that I want coffee rather than cold tea, I found myself brewing decaf coffee. FOR MYSELF. TO DRINK. That was odd. I might have done it before without even noticing. But today, I did notice. I was so disgusted with myself, that I poured the decaf brew into the sink and made real coffee. Which I have now, as I write this with a sense of having balanced my sense of self with reality again. At least for the time being.
Over the years, one forms an inward image of oneself, the persona, one thinks to be. But this morning, I noticed, I am not all I think to be. I prefer not to follow that train of thought further. Otherwise, what else would I come to notice about myself on this fine morning? As my heartbeat is already up after my second cup of “real” coffee, I will rather dig through my garden in Flash-stile speed today.
5 thoughts on “Changes”
This is sort of a mysterious post. Your statement about “not being the person you think to be” seems to have more to it than your choice of breakfast beverage . . .
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yeah, true. am not sure, I like the result that much. I turn into a bore…
There’s nothing boring about you!
You would be surprised how receptive a person is to change when she doesn’t have a lot of options. Longer hair is OK, as is generic toilet paper, second choice bar soap, and off-brand groceries. Coffee, however, is a must. Real coffee. Decaf tastes alright, but I pee hourly all day long if I drink it. Tea doesn’t cut it. I enjoy brewing tea, the aroma when I dunk the tea bag, the whole process… I just don’t like how it tastes. I take one sip and dump it down the sink. The only exception is sun tea, made with boring old Lipton or Tetley and a smidge of sugar, poured over ice on a hot summer day. I am not all I think myself to be, either, but I don’t go looking for it. It hits me, unbidden, often enough.
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ah, Tetleys and a little cream.. hmmm, lovely. Otherwise, when I say tea, I mean mint, liquorice, rasberry leafs, fennel, star anise, ginger and so on, just herbal teas. They taste surprisingly good, cold or hot.
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