sick

It makes me sick to my stomack. This incident will alter me in a way I cannot really fathom yet. One of the staff involved in what happened recently, is also a close personal friend of mine. Over the years, this friendship developed at work. Initiated by respect for each other and the way we conducted ourselves daily. As we have very different personalities and one would not think we would go on well with each other. The relationship outgrew a purely work related base and became more personal. To the point, that we knew each others families and friends, travelled together and so forth. I trusted this person in every way possible. And what now? I would love to be able to be a friend to her now. How can I do that? And I haven’t even begun to consider what the hell got into her, participating in a stupid thing like that. Guess, in order to avoid anything like this happening to me again, I will not have a friend in my professional life ever again. Simply keep it down to a good working relationship. I hate this thought. The older I get, the more experiences teach me to keep away from people in order to not get hurt or harmed. I am not ready to accept this, yet. Something within me is revolting. That’s why I feel so sick, I think.