a first

My sweetheart stopped smoking six days ago. Since last Christmas he had this cough on and off. It started to really annoy him, so he decided – once again – to give up cigarettes.

Which, in itself, is a great idea. I just wish, he had given me some warning. When I came home last Tuesday, he just sat there in a foul mood, explaining, that this is likely going to last a while, as he doesn’t smoke anymore.

As we both are heavy smokers, this news took  a while to register with me. Maybe one and a half packs of cigarettes, until I realized, I wasn’t being much help, sitting next to him, puffing away. So I started to go outside for a smoke as much as possible, as long as he was awake and around.

Just in the very early mornings, as long as he was sound asleep, I’d have my coffee and my cigarettes in front of my computer. Opening all windows, before he gets up, to have some fresh air inside.

Two days later, it dawned on me, that I could try and smoke a little less, too. Going outside to smoke in ones own home having reduced the intake by maybe a third, already. Despite sweetheart insisting, that I should smoke inside, I didn’t want to. He felt, as if he was driving me out of the house. But I think, it is unfair to make this harder on him, as it already is.

And finally, on Friday morning, for the first time in my life, that thought kept recurring: why not try and stop, too? So, finish off this last pack of cigarettes and just don’t buy any replacment. End of story.

You have no idea, how I tricked myself, just to make that last pack of cigarettes last as long as it did. I smoke always two, sometimes three packs a day. This last one lasted till Saturday afternoon, four o’clock. Still didn’t know, whether I’d be able to pass the petrol station on my way home from work, without stopping to buy cigarettes. Managed.

But also went and got myself some nicotin gum and spray, just in case. And haven’t smoked since. Which is now one and a half days. I didn’t think, I’d make it this far. We’ll see, how it goes…