weight

Two kinds of weight bother me these days – the visible and the invisible kind.

The visible and measureable one manifests itself on my body. After I stopped smoking,  I started to gain weight. No wonder, as I need to put food stuff where once a cigarrette was, all day long. Although it should not make that much of a difference, whether I am 20 or 30 kg overweight, I still don’t like weight gain at all. However, for the time being, it can’t be stopped. Same goes for sweetheart, who suffers even worse – he has gained much more weight in the seven or so weeks sans cigarette. Poor soul – to me, he looks all cuddly with his new belly, but he hates it.

However, the invisible weight really bothers me. My sister is stalwartly fighting cancer, but I fear, she might run out of steam. Her chemo-therapy was stopped by the doctors, as she was almost dying of the cure – that’s how sick it made her. So now she is just irradiated every day. Her bladder still doesn’t work and it might not ever come back. Her kidneys are still inflamed a little – they seem to not like their new, synthetical anchoring. The list goes on and on and I wish, I had all this stuff to deal with and not my little sister.

This kind of weight is always hoovering. Of course, daily life goes on and being a thousand kilometers away, the thought is not always on the forefront of everything I do. But it lingers, literally weighing me down. And at quiet, private times it is crushing.