The Explosive Wham-Bam-Firs of Austria

POTUS45 still insists, the raging wildfires are caused by bad forest management rather than by the effects of global warming and climate change.

To make his point, he displays all his sophisticated and gentlemanly knowledge about the Old World, namely Austria this time, where I happen to come from.

Quote Trump:

“You know, In Europe they have forest cities,” he told the hosts [of Fox & Friends on their interview with him]. “You look at, you look at countries, Austria, you look at so many countries, they live in the forest, they’re considered forest cities, so many of them. And they don’t have fires like this, and they have more explosive trees. They have trees that will catch easier.”

And our woods over here still don’t burn as easily. Despite them being so much more explosive. You know why? Mr. Trump explains this phenomenon: Because we manage our woods better than the Californians. We clear the underwood. How else would we be able to get to the shops in our forest cities, I ask? We take our axes out each morning to hatchet our way down to the bakery. All the undergrowth is bundled up on our backs all along the way and then handed over to Mr. Bakerman, who fuels his oven with it. Which he set in stone on barren ground in the middle of the tiny clearing we call forest city center.

Yes folks, that’s exactly how we live over her in good ol’ Europe. Because our forests just don’t catch fire easily. Despite the dangerous native “Wham-Bam-Fir” – a common type of very explosive fir tree native to Austria. And Finland maybe, too. But because we manage them so well, even without having a great leader to our nation – other than the Californians have right now – our woods don’t burn. No Sir, they don’t. And if it weren’t for the wolves returning to our forests, to eat our grandmas, we would be all completely safe and live life happily ever after.

But we as a nation are still not pleased to be publicly called Hill-Billy Nation by the U.S.. And so our Chancellor, Mr. Kurz, is going to summon the American Ambassador to his tree house, to ask a few questions. 🙂