I do get her point.

My little sister is suffering the after effects of cancer, radiation and chemo therapy. Both physically and mentally. I – and I take it, everyone else in the family – assumed, that getting through the operation and treatment, finding it a relative success, should do the trick. Cancer is gone, as far as medicine can tell for now. Phew. Close race, but she made it.  Chapter closed, get better, get on with life.

However, it doesn’t work like that. There is a post operation traumatic shock, it seems. There are body functions gone forever. Along with the ability to return to her job. For good, it seems. As far as I understand, radiation damaged intestines to a point, digestion is out of order to this day. Her kidneys (had to be taken out during operation to get to other stuff) have been fixated on some artificial hold up. Which caught a germ or two in the process  causing ongoing kidney infections. Oh, not to speak about the bladder function. Which is gone for good. Unless (still possible up to five years post operation) a nerve grows from her spinal cord to hook up the bladder outlet with her urethra once more. Her eyesight is weakening rapidly, she wears glasses now. Her teeth have all blackened and died off at the roots. A side effect of chemo, I learn. Lot’s of family savings spent on replacement.  Her husband working double shifts to make ends meet, while one income is gone for good. What little money she gets from health insurance now is used up for medical and sanitary products needed on a daily base.

And there is nothing, I can do. Worse, I was of no use at all. Not even recognizing, that just lending an ear would have been good.  I tried to call a couple of times. She didn’t answer and I thought: oh, maybe she is outside, in her garden. Let her be. She has her own family.  And our mom.

After I called my sister last week, I gathered, that all of the above is the case. But my mom has withdrawn from my sister. Why, is beyond me. The pair have been quite close all the time. I do not understand. Our brother has not called her or visited, when he was in Austria recently. My sister isn’t taking this very well. She sounds bitter, blaming all and sundry to neglect her.  It seems, there is a severe depression going on.

I need to go and see my her. Just as well, this rotten working year gets to an end soon.


15 thoughts on “bitter

  1. Will you understand if I say I am happy to see you posting again – despite the content? I have been thinking of you so often and wondering . . . assuming it has just been the busy season, blah blah. So sorry to hear how rough it has been. I wish I could have been there for you more throughout.
    Come and see your sister. Then come to us and let me (and the porch) take care of you for a while. What do you say?

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      1. Yay!! I will be home the whole time – Mon and Tues are my busy long days – so Wed thru Sun would be the best option if you can only stay a part of that time. Soooooo looking forward to catching up!

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      2. yeah, me too. So I’ll do family first and get to the south in the second half. as soon as flight details etc are clear, I’ll be ringing or writing…


  2. How sad for all concerned, especially for your poor sister. But now you know, you can be there again for her and it will do her good to vent her frustration and grief. I am so so sorry x

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  3. That sounds very rough for your sister. Perhaps your mother has withdrawn because she can’t bear to see your sister so debilitated. I’ve seen that reaction in other situations. Sounds like a visit would be a good idea.

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  4. So sorry to hear this, Lyart. I know firsthand that cancer treatment can break as many things as it fixes, though my own situation is far less dire than you describe here. Send my love and prayers to your sister. It will take a while to accept all these disabilities. I think you’re right, she needs a good listener while she works through her grief over these losses. 🙂

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